Shaky Hands
by Riku Watashi
Summary: Whumptober day 1 prompt Shaky Hands Parental!RoyEd Trigger warning: Death mention, sensitive topics.


**Woohoo!**

**Whumptober **

**My favorite month.**

**Lol**

**Anyway.. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. To be honest, if I did, the second book probably still wouldn't be released.**

"Sir, Edward is here to see you." Riza's voice was cool and stern like it normally was, as her amber eyes made contact with his own obsidian orbs.

He smirked. There was definitely going to be a talking-to happening, and he was beyond prepared. "Send him in," Roy said, his tone perhaps not as firm as it should be.

There was something in her eyes that seemed to warn him of something, though he wasn't exactly sure what it meant.

The brilliant lecture that he had in mind died on his lips. Something wasn't right. Ed looked... scared, almost. His eyes were still wide from a shock that had happened quite a bit ago, his face pale, his entire self trembling with every breath. He seemed to be entirely lost in his thoughts.

"Fullmetal?" The Colonel prompted. "Your report?"

Ed blinked and hesitantly approached the wooden desk, trembling more with each step than Roy had ever seen anyone do in a lifetime.

He extended a shaking hand with the papers, and Roy was plunged into his thoughts. The way his hand was shaking... seemed more than familiar. As if he had seen it before. As if he had done it himself.

Ed carelessly released the papers, his trembling hand giving out, but he hadn't even noticed his weakness, his mind miles away. The sound of papers smacking on the desk brought on a whole new wave of trouble, though, and he caught himself falling back, gasping.

No. No. He couldn't be here. No! He was .. he wasn't here.. His breath caught in a cry as he tried to get away. He tried desperately to pull away from the... the..

He felt warmth suddenly on his flesh shoulder and jerked his head up to see Colonel Mustang resting his hands on his shoulders.

He sucked in a shaking breath. "Fullmetal, what ..?" "I.. I'm sorry. . I don't know why I just.. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go sit down.." his voice trailed off. Roy slowly nodded. "Yeah.. go take a seat.."

He turned his gaze away and staggered over to a couch, flopping down ungracefully.

Dang it... he had just broken in front of the Colonel. He needed to be stronger.. _Deep breaths..._

What the heck? What just happened..? He leafed through the report. The handwriting was utter crap; barely intelligible, though with the way the kid's hands had been shaking, it was entirely expected. Was there _anything _in here that explained what just happened. Stumbling across a particularly rambly passage, he hesitated to decipher the writing...

A quick glance towards Ed. He was staring intently at nothing with a terrified look on his face.

He looked back to the writing, scanning the hesitantly scrawled pages of.. He clenched his jaw, and tore through the remaining pages with disgust.

"I... I'm sorry..." Ed croaked pathetically from the couch. "I s..swear... I didn't mean to ... kill him... i..."

_Oh, gosh..._ the time had actually come.. when.. The military sent the 13 year old to snuff out the life of another human being.

"...just.. so much blood... and I... and.. an' Al... " he was pathetically choking and tripping over his own words. "Gosh, I'm so sorry..."

He didn't even look like himself. Just, so, so broken.

He whimpered and pathetically wiped away more tears, choking down a sob.

Roy pushed himself to his feet angrily and made his way to the couch.

"Sorr..yy..."

He sat down and pulled the red coated mess onto his lap. "Shh... sh.. Gosh, I'm so sorry .. That never should have happened."

A small tortured wail erupted from the blond's mouth and he pressed himself closer, burying his face in the Colonel's shoulder.

"Shh... shh... " he firmly rubbed the boy's back. "I'm so sorry...

"Edward.. I.., when the same thing happened to me, I.. I was horrified too. I thought I was a monster, and was disgusted with myself. But... it's gonna be okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It was what you were told to do. Nothing more." He shifted the boy on his lap to cuddle him closer. " I'm here if you need something and can't talk to Al about it. We're here for you."

"I don't wa.. wanna be a..a murderer. I don't want to.. hurt people. What if I - I.. hurt someone else..?!" He dug his fingers into the fabric of his superior officer's sleeve.

"Ed... you aren't a murderer. Everything's going to be okay.."

"I.., I said i wasn't gonna hurt 'nyone to get Al his bo.. body back! Do you th..think A..Al hates me...? I don' wanna go hurt anybody ..."

"Do you think I felt good about... hurting other people in the war?"

"N..no..." he whined, pressing his face into Roy's arm.

"Well.. none of us did. And.. you're no different from any of us. And Al loves you, and he'll keep you doing what's right."

"I'm scared..." he whispered.

Roy gently stroked his hair. "Its ok. I know."

The small golden orbs stared up at him.

_The eyes of a murderer... just like ours..._

"its.. ok.." Ed sighed, looking both much older and much younger than his real age.

Those hands. Those same hands that killed, working to softly comfort him.

It was going to be okay.

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